Boy I am tired!!! As you've probably noticed I have not blogged in many weeks. I forgot about survival as a mom on an every day basis with somewhere between 4-6 hours of sleep a night. As I write this blog at 10:30 at night there is at least four loads of clean laundry on the couch, a kitchen that still needs to be cleaned for the evening, my room and the kid's rooms that need staightened..... and on top of all this we are packing to leave for the beach tomorrow. At least I have started on the packing and am almost done with the suitcases and packing the car.

Yes, this is my typical life.... which I have this love/hate relationship with :-). But I know God is working in me. I know God is big. I know God has the ability to show up anytime He wants. I often just have to remember to ask. And for those of you who know we are raising support to follow God's call to help plant a dynamic relevant church in France, this week has been pretty bad according to men's standards... but according to God's plans and the way He performs His greatest miracles, it's par for the course. Daily I am reminded of Elijah and the prophets of baal where God brought down fire from heaven to burn up a soaking wet sacrifice; Noah who built a boat without ever seeing rain, or a large body of water; Moses who parted the red sea just when the Egyptians arrived, not too soon or too late; Joshua who praised God and watched the walls of Jericho fall down;... and Jesus who raised not only Lazarus from the dead, but also Himself to pay for our sins.

I am so humbled to think that God would want to use me. I have to continue to remind myself that Jesus most often chose the unlikely, the most unlovely, the ones who messed up the most, the uncool... Ken and I right now feel like so many people look at us in one of these ways, ... but we know that God has called us and He can make up for all our weaknesses and inadequacies, our uncoolness and our messed up lives... and because He called us He will provide. On top of all this, we believe He wants us in France by September/ October. Now that's where the great miracle comes in! We have more support to raise than we physically could do, except for that God show up. So we praise God daily, like Joshua who watched God tear down a huge wall with no human physical strength, exitedly awaiting to see how He is going to do this because outside of winning the lottery or befriending a millionaire, this is absolutely impossible in our own abilities.

I have decided that this blogger thing is one of the most amazing concepts ever invented. You can say anything you want to, feel like someone is listening and actually cares, and then answer yourself if no one else does. You can even imagine that you're funny or have an intelligent comment.

I've realized that even if I don't have any adult conversation in a day I can feel like someone is listening even if no one actually is. I thought how brilliant. This could save us hundreds in counseling :-)

I want to start this morning by introducing my husband to you. He is a bigger (or at least as big) a visionary as myself...or maybe he just explains himself a little better. We are totally incompatible by the worlds standards and certainly would never have met on E-Harmony.com. He barely meets any of my needs, and I meet very few of his...yet the God of the universe chose to bring us together. We often wondered if we (Ken & I) had made a mistake in the mate we chose, but now if you ask me, as I see the path God is leading us in, I wouldn't want to be any other place in this world. I feel like I am going to make an astronomical difference in the "Kingdom of God" because of who I am married to. If we are, as the Bible says, "as iron sharpens iron", Ken and I create major fire when we sharpen one another, and I believe we together, with the God of the universe, are just niave enough to think we can charge hell with a water pistol.

Now he still doesn't fill very many of my needs, and I am still clueless to his, but we are more in love with each other today than we ever thought possible. So if your marriage seems hopeless and you wake up some days thinking I married the wrong person, take heart, don't give up, hang in there until you can hang no longer, and then keep hanging. God is bigger than any need you have or any mistakes you've made, and He will show up. Who knows, maybe God never intended Ken & I to be together, but because of our undying devotion to Him and our iron will to not give up hope, He has decided to show His power by taking our personal mess and change the world, just to bring Him glory and give you hope.

Hello to everyone or no one because I'm not sure who would be interested in reading what a 38 year old former (very competitive) runner and mother of four (ages 5,3,2,and 1 -no there's not alot to do in Youngsville, NC :-) would have to say. Actually I take that back. A 38 year old mother who has survived four kids, getting to old to do what she loves best, and contemplating mid-life crisis, should have alot to say about how she survived four children, is still married, and is not on some type of legal drug, or locked up somewhere becuse she went postal (especially if all four of her children are within five years of each other).

Maybe some of you reading this are supermoms and are exceedingly blessed with the gift of organization and management. Well, I scored really low in those categories on those types of tests, so it's safe to say motherhood has been by far the biggest challenge of my life. Well, that and trying to figure out my husband, and how to do that whole submission thing.

I do score really high on hanging out with people and meeting complete strangers and making them feel like friends. So I guess you could come over and we could discuss our struggles and joys of life and motherhood over coffee (don't mind the screaming in the background, if there's no blood, it's still a good day) and it would be safe to say if my house is clean, don't open the closets :-)