What Do You Really Believe

Have you ever had your faith tested to the very edge of sanity?...

Many of my friends and fellow bloggers have probably noticed my husband and I have not blogged quite as much this year as we had in the following year. Many things have been going on in our lives that we have just chosen to wait to share.

As many of you know we stepped down from the missions organization we were going to go to France with last spring. There were some differences in philosophy and implementation, and a number of mentors encouraged Ken down this road. We immediately under the counsel of a number of pastors created an organization, "Catalyst France", that really held to what we believed would work in France and Europe in reaching this generation. Things no other organization had done as of yet.

After we had done this we began receiving emails and phone calls from a guy Ken had met in France the year before with the IMB (International Mission Board with the Southern Baptist) who was really wanting to change the way things are being done in Europe to reach this new generation. He and Ken talked a number of times and he told us he wanted us to really pray about coming and working with him and the IMB in Europe to plant a church, and then recruit, raise up, and train pastors and church planters/missionaries to implement the ideas we had been talking about.

The exciting thing about the IMB is that if you can make it through the interview process (b/c it is long and grueling) they pay your salary to live anywhere in the world to reach the population you need to reach. Yes, that meant they would pay for us to live in the most expensive city in the world if we had to and never worry about a single bill. They will even pay extra for things like a special school for your child or tutoring if you showed that it would help your family.

Anyway, we began trepidly walking down this path because we knew the process, and had been through some of it before. God continued to appear to open every door through the process this time up until recently. In this process you have to have serious medical clearance. If you have ever had a pain in your life or in your family history you have to have it looked into and resolved before you can go. Now this is where our life has gotten interesting.

Ken has heart problems in his family and has to get thoroughly checked out to get his medical clearance. Well, Ken has not gotten insurance yet after stepping down from our initial missions organization, b/c he had been working part time jobs while waiting for God to show clearly his path for us. Therefore he began putting out resumes knowing we will probably be here a year going through the IMB process.

To make a long story short, he has been putting out resumes for several months with very few responses, and we also put our house on the market knowing we would eventually have to sell it and to help out with bills in the meantime. As of yesterday Satan dealt his biggest blow yet financially and we have found ourselves where alot of Americans have found themselves in this downward spiraling market. We realize we could be one month away from losing our house and going into a great financial hole that could disqualify us from continuing the process with the IMB to France.

I do not say all this for anyone to send us money or for people to feel sorry for us. It has been an amazing time of really finding out what we believe about God and what His word says. I had a few minutes of panic yesterday, but I sat the kids down and began "preaching" to them what I needed to hear about God and asking them if we really believe this.

At our church I have been helping out in the Children's ministry as a large group teacher and worship leader and this month the theme is JOY and just last week the phrase for the week is "I can have JOY in any circumstance b/c God has a plan for my life." That has been ringing in my head even before all this happened. I have been so stretched by what I have been learning with the children and if as adults we cannot walk in what we are teaching our children what are we really saying to our kids and a lost world. So, I chose yesterday that Satan was not going to steal our joy... and we have walked around our house quoting the truth of scripture and singing wild praise songs b/c we know God is going to show up. We just know it.

We have been praising HIM for all the things he is going to do, and all the things HE is doing that we cannot see, and if we lose our house and if God shuts down every visible avenue for us to follow the dream He has put in our hearts. We can trust God and have JOY because HE is a good God and Father and promises that HE has a plan for our lives.

"Thank you Jesus that we can trust you, and that You have an awesome plan for our lives even if it does not look exactly like we planned or expected... It will be better... for a lost and dying world. I love you so much today and I pray our situation can encourage someone else in a similar situation. Life can be scary, but YOU are not and have more to give us than we can ever imagine."