Tuesday, March 09, 2010

A New, not necessarily better, Me :-)

Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged... I guess facebook has become the new craze. A little chat here and there with random friends... it really suits a mom of 5 that doesn't have alot of time to sit and write.... but I have to admit I've missed my bogging friends. I've missed sharing my life with others in this way... things that are deeper than the casual chat. I've struggled, I've had victories, I've been confused in life, I've hurt... and you can't really (or you shouldn't really) share all those types of things on fb. So hopefully I'm back... and in some ways I'm a different person.

I have 5 kids, my kids are older, I love the joys of parenthood, I struggle with always feeling out of control, I am consumed by politics (and I probably shouldn't be... except that I care about what is going on in my country). I want to control my world, and now I am at the edge of it, usually in clutter and disarray. I struggle with anger which I think has to do with feeling out of control. My husband and I struggle with not sure why God closed the door to church planting overseas (for now) and finding our place here in the states... here in Raleigh/Youngsville. I struggle with alot now days, and probably feel guilty for that, b/c we are suppose to lay all our burdens at the feet of Jesus...

Father, help me... I think you often bring us to the end of ourselves so that we can finally let go and put you in the control of our life. As I sit here, I realize all the kids seem to be sleeping in this morning... Thank you for that. I have missed sitting with you in a silent house; meeting with you in the quietness of the morning laying all my burdens and requests and thankfulness before you waiting in expectation as to what you may do.

Father help me to see you today. Help me to not take one step out of your will today. Give me patience and self-control with my children. Help me to forgive and bless those who have hurt me, and look to how I can bless others. Give Ken and I a vision for our future. We still would love to go to the people of France/Europe to share you with them... but don't see how that could happen. Open the door, Father, or change our hearts.

Give my children a heart for you today. If they have not accepted you as their personal Lord and Savior (b/c they talk about it, but sometimes you just don't know for sure) I pray that they would... Then I pray that you would teach them kindness, gentleness, patience, humbleness... and you would grow those things in me so I can be a walking example and role model for them. I want them to see You in me which I'm not sure they see a lot of. Break me to be the woman you created me to be... Your will is all I want.

Thank you now for hearing my prayer... it feels like it's been a long time... and I feel restored and renewed just by spending this short time this morning. I do have one more request that may be a little carnal, but is a serious request though. Would you help me to get and keep my house clean and uncluttered? I did not grow up in clutter, and I cannot even think straight or stay on track during the day, and I get so angry at the kids... I need your help... I don't know what or how to do it. Please take control in this area and help me, show me, teach me. Thank you for listening to me... you have waited a long time for me to come back... I have missed you... now I ask that you just keep me here...