a surrendered life

I copied this excerpt from a friend of mines blog called "The surrendered life".

i now live a surrendered life. a life in which i've voluntarily given up living for me & i choose to abandon all selfishness & choose to live a life of selflessness, thus becoming more like Jesus. for so many years, i had fooled others, myself included, into believing that i did live a surrendered life to God. i really didn't. you know how i know, because deep down, in that place where it's only God & me, i knew it wasn't true. i was living a falsehood. how erroneous. it is so liberating to admit it. i'm not ashamed b/c i know that i'm not the only one that has lived in that lie, nor am i the last one to live that lie. admitting it is the beginning of relinquishing it all to the Author of my life. so, i can now say, i live a life surrendered. so, "i'll stand, with arms high & heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all, i stand, my soul, Lord, to you surrendered, all i am is Yours......"

You know when I first read this. I thought, "Praise the Lord, I've been where she's been and now ... " I couldn't finish the sentence. I began to feel convicted. I could not finish this sentence to say I live a totally surrendered life. I don't even know what I am not surrendering. I mean I have given my whole life to reach others with the gospel starting from a very young age (7). I gave up relationships, running a number of times, comfort, good jobs, money, etc... to follow God to reach the masses who have not heard the gospel. My husband gave up a comfortable carreer with good money, to follow God's call to go to France to start a church. I gave up the comforts of America to raise my kids where we will live in much smaller quarters with possibly no yard. We gave up all our savings raising support these past few years, and we are giving up our kids being raised near their grandparents and cousins whom they love. So what could I not be giving up... I mean I just gave up satellite for goodness sake, and my laptop died, and I have to sit here in my room on this desk top. I mean what else is there.

"I mean, God, you wouldn't want me to be more submissive to my husband or more patient, gentle, and kind, to my kids would you? Don't you think I have given enough. :-) Okay God, you're going to have to really help me with this one because these are deep dark holes in my soul that I want to hang on to. Couldn't you just give me a pill or something and let it be done with?" :-)